Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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