I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
