I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
