It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
