hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Randomize
