I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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