Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You dont lie about slip and slides
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
