i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm at about main and main street
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
