if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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