So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
