We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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