well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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