First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
love makes seman taste better
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
