apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
