I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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