I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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