Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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