God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
