I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He did a backflip because drugs
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