every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
