Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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