i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
