I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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