Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
