Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
