Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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