I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
