so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
