I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
