i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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