i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
