mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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