My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
