He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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