First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
