I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
