hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
