just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
