I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
