i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
