If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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