I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
