there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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