Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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