community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
