he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
