I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
