'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
