I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
