I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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