Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can't put those talents on a resume
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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