Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
